Mother’s Group ~ a social necessity?

This post is written by Melissa, who came across Mother Ink. recently. Melissa used to be state retail manager of Mimco. She now the mother of  one little boy. Melissa came to writing about her experiences of motherhood because she felt isolated and lonely. She needed to share her experiences. This is a beautiful piece about the search for a mothers group, taken from her blog “From Boardroom to Babies”.
I often wonder to myself; how many mums walk past a gathering of women cuddling their adorable little babies, prams parked nearby, sipping their latte’s and baby-chino’s in the local coffee shop, and feel a stirring of jealously? “I wish I was in that mothers group. They seem to be having so much fun”. I am one of those women.
After I had my baby, I couldn’t wait to join a mothers group. We had just moved to the area so we didn’t really know anyone and I was desperate for some adult interaction. Most of my friends from the city were childless and the ones who did have children lived far away.
I could feel the butterflies in my stomach as we walked to our first meeting. What would the other mums be like? Would they be my age? Would they be friendly? Could I see myself developing life-long friendships with these women?
At our first meeting I eyeballed about five women out of the nine that I thought, “yep, I’d like to have you as a friend”. Funnily enough, it is three of these women who I now keep in contact with occasionally. Unfortunately for me, these women have all gone back to work so it’s difficult to schedule a regular catch up.

But what happens when you don’t form any friendships with the other mums in your group? What happens when they don’t put in the same effort that you do when it comes to “catching up” and you’re left alone again?
This is the situation an acquaintance of mine was left in after her first child. She had moved interstate for her husbands work so mothers group was her only source of building potential friendships. Not one of the other mums seemed keen to meet regularly and so she was back to square one.
It can be such an isolating experience being a stay at home mum. I can vouch for the emotional roller coaster we often find ourselves on when friends with kids are not at hand to offer comforting support. It can be so difficult spending hour after hour with our baby (even though we love and adore them dearly) without the kindness of someone experiencing the same issues.
So what do you do when your mothers group doesn’t give you the support or friendships that you need? Well there’s Playgroup, but unless your little one is walking and talking to some extent, then Playgroup is a little premature. There are walking groups in some areas where mums can meet in a local park or walking track and spend time getting to know one another whilst burning off some calories. My son and I have started music lessons at Musicadabra and this has been a great source of adult interaction for me, meeting at least two really great mums.
I think it’s important for our single and/or childless friends to consciously remember that we still need them. I also strongly believe that every woman (or man) that we see in the park with their kids could be desperately searching for a new friend to call their own and we should always keep our hearts open to them.
Maybe it’s you? Maybe it’s me? Will you be my friend?
Please help support other mums and leave a comment about your experiences of trying to develop friendships after becoming a mum. It could really help someone.
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Comments
One Response to “Mother’s Group ~ a social necessity?”
  1. rinkungfu says:

    Oh man I completely understand about needing some form of adult interaction! I work full time but my days/hours are flexible so I look after my daughter some days as well. One day I actually started trying to teach my 1 1/2 yr old scales out of sheer boredom because the only adult conversation I had had was whether I needed bags with my shopping or not.

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